I am Ritsuka
by psychotic7796
Summary: “No, Ritsuka. You didn't deserve what she did. She hurt you. You are Ritsuka. There is no REAL Ritsuka and there is no HER Ritsuka. There is only Aoyagi Ritsuka. You are Aoyagi Ritsuka..." One-shot:Ritsuka/Soubi:MILDSLASH:Rating4Language


A/N- Hey! My first Loveless one-shot, and my first Loveless fanfic I actually posted on here! I know, it's probably a really pathetic one-shot, but it was in my head and I had to get it out. I also thought it would be nice to have another thing posted on the site. *Shrugs* It's probably really poorly written, so I won't be upset if you flame me or run off screaming.

Characters: 2 OC's (Just briefly to take up space, no real use in the plot), Ritsuka, and Soubi

Pairings: Slight Ritsuka/Soubi

Summary: Ritsuka awoke in a hospital bed, confused and broken. Soubi is there to pick up the pieces and hopefully solidify Ritsuka's trust in him.

I don't own Loveless. If I did, volume 9 would be out by now. *Pouts* I WANT VOLUME 9! GAH!

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Ritsuka gasped as he awoke, but he didn't move. He wasn't in his room. The sheets he was lying on were white, while the ones in his room were a dark blue. The smell in the air wasn't the comforting scent of Soubi's cigarettes (no matter how much he said he hated the smell of them), it was the smell of medicine and sickness.

"Aoyagi-kun? Are you awake?" A voice asked softly.

Ritsuka forced himself to turn over and look at the voice. It was a kindly-looking woman, who was wearing a nurse's outfit. Wait, nurse's...

"Where am I?" Ritsuka asked, surprised at the hoarseness of his voice. "What's going on?"

"Oh, you poor dear. Do you remember anything?" The woman asked in a sympathetic voice that made Ritsuka want to bash her head in. If he remembered anything, he wouldn't be asking!

"No." He answered shortly.

"What's the last thing you remember?" She asked, oblivious to Ritsuka's shortening temper.

Ritsuka forced back a growl and answered, "I was doing my math homework with my brother's old friend's help. Now what is going on and where am I?" He was beyond angry and wanted to know what was going on.

"I'm not the best person to be talking to about this," The woman said slowly, once again not noticing Ritsuka's growing anger and impatience. "But you are at the hospital."

Ritsuka glared as she left the room, promising to bring back someone who could explain this to him. Honestly, was that really that hard?

Ritsuka jumped as the door opened with a click and he tensed as he saw it was a doctor.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Kurosaki," The man said brightly. "It seems you have some questions."

"Why am I here?" Ritsuka asked him, forcing his face to stay blank of any emotions.

"I don't have all of the details, I'm afraid, but you came in here with some nasty injuries. Bruises, cuts, and a few stab wounds. It's a miracle you're alive, Aoyagi-kun."

Ritsuka inaudibly sighed. What had happened? Was there a fight with the Septimal Moons he and Soubi got into that he hadn't been able to handle? Why didn't anyone tell him what happened?

"And do you know how I came to get those wounds?" Ritsuka asked him, forcing his voice to be monotone.

"I'm sorry. I just treated the wounds, Aoyagi-kun. All I know is that your mother is in police custody now along with your father." Kurosaki told him.

Ritsuka looked up, startled.

"Excuse me?" He asked in disbelief.

"Your parents are being tried for child abuse and neglect."

Ritsuka felt his heart stop for a split second.

"A-abuse? N-neglect? What are you talking about?" Ritsuka asked him, but he was already shaking his head.

"This isn't something I should be talking to you about. I think one of your friends would be better for this. A man has been in the waiting room all night for you." Kurosaki said as he stood up to leave. Ritsuka was already shaking as Kurosaki closed the door and left to get whoever was in the waiting room for him.

It wasn't his mother's fault she hurt him, Ritsuka knew. He wasn't her Ritsuka. He wasn't the real Ritsuka. He deserved to be punished for that. Why were they punishing her for doing what no one else would do? She didn't deserve that. Neither did his father, he was never home. He never did anything wrong.

Ritsuka looked up with blank eyes as the door opened and a familiar face appeared.

"Oh Ritsuka," The voice said softly with a sigh, walking in after he closed the door and sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Soubi, what's going on? I don't understand! Mother didn't do anything wrong, neither did my father! Why are they arresting them?" Ritsuka cried out, tears filling his eyes.

Soubi winced as he heard these words but he sat closer to Ritsuka and engulfed him into a hug, allowing Ritsuka to cling to him.

"Ritsuka... Your mother went too far yesterday." Soubi told him carefully.

Ritsuka shook his head. "I deserve what she did. She just wants her Ritsuka back."

Soubi sighed inaudibly. "No, Ritsuka. You didn't deserve what she did. She hurt you. You are Ritsuka. There is no REAL Ritsuka and there is no HER Ritsuka. There is only Aoyagi Ritsuka. You are Aoyagi Ritsuka. Your personality may have changed, but you are still her son. She had no right to be hurting you as she did."

Ritsuka shook his head in denial. "I deserved what she did. I'm not her son."

"Yes, you are." Soubi insisted.

Ritsuka had been avoiding this conversation for far too long. Soubi had brought it up, but Ritsuka always dodged the questions or refused to answer, opting instead to just allow his insane mother to hurt him. Soubi hadn't pushed it, but now he was. He needed to hear this, he needed to stop this foolish thought that he deserved what his mother did to him.

"You're wrong." Ritsuka whispered to Soubi.

"No. I'm not. You are Ritsuka. You are the victim in this, Ritsuka. Your mother had no right doing what she did to you."

"You're lying!" Ritsuka cried, tears falling, shaking his head. "You always lie!"

"But I'm not this time," He pleaded with the younger boy. "I mean every word I have said. No one deserves to be hurt. No one, not me, not you, no one at all deserves to be hurt as physically and emotionally as you have been."

"How can I believe you?" he cried out, shoving Soubi's arms off of him. "How can I believe you when you tell me nothing but lies?" Ritsuka didn't give him a chance to answer as he wrapped his arms around himself and shook with sobs. "You say so many things that make me want to believe you. You make me want to trust you, to believe the words you say. That I'm not the demon that mother told me I was, that I'm not a freak of nature, that I'm loved. That you love me. B-but I can't!"

"Why can't you believe the things that I tell the truth about?" Soubi asked him softly.

"Because it's only leading up to me getting hurt!" Ritsuka cried out. "If I believe you, it means that you'll only be able to hurt me later when you leave!"

"I'm not going to leave-"

"But you will!" Ritsuka screamed. "Because Seimei is back, and you will always be his! You will always belong to him! And you will always go back to him!"

"Now you're saying nonsense," Soubi whispered, a sad chuckle in his voice. "I am your Fighter, Ritsuka. I may still hold Seimei's name on me, but I am not loyal to him anymore."

"Why? You always sound so damn devoted to him! You would go to Hell for him, yet he would never treat you any better then a dog!" Ritsuka shouted, tears trekking down his face.

Soubi's head whipped over to him in surprise.

"I've seen the scars, Soubi! I've seen what Seimei did to you! I've heard what the other Fighter Units say about him! I've heard what they said about the Beloved team! Hell, Zero gave me a complete description of what Seimei was like! And don't you say they lied," He yelled when he saw Soubi about to interject. "Because I asked countless others if Zero's description added up with what they saw of him, and each and every last one of them said yes!"

Soubi was silent.

"He treats you like you're nothing more then a servant, when without you he would just be another, normal person!" Ritsuka spat in anger. "You are so unwaveringly loyal to him, yet he would ditch you without another thought! I hate that! Because I've tried so hard to be everything he wasn't so you would get what you deserve in a Sacrifice! You don't deserve getting kicked around like you're lower then dirt, because you're not!"

Soubi opened his mouth to say something, but Ritsuka glared at him and he stopped.

"You want to know why I don't believe a damn word you say, Agatsuma Soubi?" Ritsuka asked him, his voice deathly calm. "It's because I know that you think of yourself as... As nothing more then a damn servant, and I KNOW that isn't true! I KNOW that you are so much better then you think of yourself, yet you still think those fucking lies! So how can I trust what you say is true when even your thoughts are lies? Your views of the world are so screwed up! You see Seimei as a god, when you are so much more powerful then him!"

There was silence other then Ritsuka's panting breaths. His face was red with anger while Soubi's was blank.

"You're right." Soubi finally said after a long pause. "Seimei could have treated me better. He could have been a kinder Sacrifice. I shouldn't have been as loyal to him as I was," Ritsuka looked at him in surprise at the past tense of the word. "And I shouldn't have looked upon him as a god. I shouldn't have looked past his flaws, because he was wrong many times. I see that now." Soubi turned and looked at Ritsuka, placing a hand against his face gently, caressing it lovingly. "But I would not wish to change a single thing of my past. I would not change my time with Seimei for anything, because if I hadn't been his Fighter, I would not be yours now. I would not be Loveless' Fighter." Soubi gave him a smile and Ritsuka choked back a sob as tears filled his vision again, him looking up at the taller man.

"I do lie." Soubi told Ritsuka simply. "But I lie because I am selfish. I wish for you to retain every bit of innocence you have, and I will be selfish and work for you to stay how you are. I lie because I want to keep you shielded from the cruelty of the world.

"But I promise you, I will never lie about my own opinion on things, and things that are directly connected to you." Soubi told Ritsuka seriously, still caressing his face as Ritsuka looked up at him with teary eyes. "I did not lie when I said you didn't deserve what your mother did to you. I did not lie when I said you are Ritsuka. I did not lie when I said your mother was wrong." Soubi wiped away at Ritsuka's tears that were falling as his shoulders shook. "And I most definitely did not lie when I said I loved you." He leaned forward and gently brushed his lips against Ritsuka's in a chaste kiss, slightly surprised when Ritsuka responded. He pulled away after a few seconds and Ritsuka was unable to stifle the sobs that shook his body as he leaped into Soubi's arms, clutching him tightly as the tears fell. Soubi held him and rocked him gently, whispering reassurances and gentle words to Ritsuka.

Ritsuka watched with a blank face as his mother and father were taken away out of the court. He felt Soubi's hand on his back, reassuring him that everything was okay. He watched as his parents walk towards him and he hoped they won't cause a scene, silently praying in his mind, and he cursed internally when his mother began to struggle when she saw him.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU TOOK AWAY MY RITSUKA! WHERE IS HE? GIVE ME BACK MY RITSUKA!" She screeched in anger, thrashing and struggling against the holds the guards have on her.

Ritsuka looked up at her with calm eyes and said quietly, "I am Ritsuka."

"YOU ARE NOT! HOW DARE YOU-?"

"How dare I what?" Ritsuka interrupted quietly, looking away. "Be who I am? I am Ritsuka, and I didn't deserve what you did to me."

"GIVE HIM BACK!"

"I AM RITSUKA!" The young boy screamed at her, tears falling. He fell back against Soubi as his mother was forced out of the room, Soubi hugging him to him. "I am Ritsuka." He repeated quieter, burying his face into Soubi's chest. "I am Ritsuka."

"You are." Soubi agreed.

"I didn't deserve what she did to me."

"You didn't."

"Are you proud of me, Soubi?" Ritsuka asked him quietly.

"Yes. I love you, Ritsuka. I'm so very proud of you." Soubi told him quietly back.

It had taken weeks of reassuring and recovery, but Soubi, with the help of Youji, Natsuo, and occasionally Kio, was able to get it through to Ritsuka that he was Ritsuka and his mother was wrong to do what she did to him, while his father should have helped Ritsuka instead of sitting by and allowing his mother to do what she did.

It had gotten worse before it got better, Ritsuka not allowing Soubi to leave his sight for longer then a few minutes unless necessary, and often times either breaking down crying or screaming in rage. Finally it ended with them deciding that Ritsuka needed to stand up to his mother and tell her that he was Ritsuka, and that he didn't deserve what she did to him to finally get over what she had done. Ritsuka's therapist had made it clear Ritsuka needed constant reassurance, which Soubi was all to ready to provide.

"Thank you, Soubi." Ritsuka whispered.

"I love you, Ritsuka." Soubi told him. There was silence and Soubi was happy to be in it (silence didn't mean rejection, in Soubi's mind), though it was broken by Ritsuka's soft voice.

"I love you too, Soubi."

A/N- I know I had one at the beginning, but I wanted to write another real quick. This was just something I wrote because I was bored and had Loveless on my mind.

I really hope this isn't so horrible that people's eyes start to bleed, but I'm pretty sure it won't be one of the best one-shots out there. *Shrugs* Like I said, I just wanted to post it. I love the Loveless fanfics where Ritsuka is abused and Soubi comforts him. It's just sooooooooo cute, to me at least.

Hope you enjoyed it, and if you didn't I'm sorry for wasting your time!


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